KETH
His real name was Keith. But he lost an eye, and somehow, that just turned his name into Keth. Not Keith. Keth. Ruthless.
C-Section
Earned because he's terrified of labor. No explanation needed.
The Mexecutioner
In a factory full of Mexican workers, one white guy on the shift won an impromptu arm wrestling tournament. From that day on, he was only known as The Mexecutioner.
Not Brian
There were five Brians on the team. Then Kevin was hired. To keep it simple, they just called him Not Brian, for three years.
Simba
Because his uncle killed his dad. Sometimes nicknames are less about personality and more about raw, tragic backstory.
Greg 9 and Greg 10
Two Gregs working in an operating room. One was missing a finger. Simple math.
Teflon
You could tell him anything, but nothing ever stuck. Instructions, tasks, responsibility, you name it.
Annie
He told the foreman he was an orphan. The nickname that followed? Annie. As in, it's a hard knock life.
Apprentice Saurus
A fifty-five-year-old apprentice who worked slow and steady. The name fit like a prehistoric glove.
Count Crackula
He smiled with two missing front teeth, giving him a vampire-like look. Add a drug problem, and the guys on the crew sealed the deal with this iconic nickname.
Brisket
He thought it was because he loved barbecue. Turns out it was because it took him 8 to 10 hours to do anything.
Trisket
He crumbled under any pressure.
Daisy
Some days he works. Some days he doesn't. He loves him, he loves him not...
Seizure Salad
Vegan. Had a seizure. It’s cruel. It’s clever. It's unforgettable.
Lunch Meat
He was definitely in bread. From Arkansas, acted... different. The team figured inbreeding might be a factor. So they called him Lunch Meat. Arkansas is never living this down.
Skid Mark
Mark drove a skid truck. You can probably guess the rest.
Jose, Hose B, and Hose C
Three guys named Jose. So: Jose, Hose B, and Hose C. A system of naming both effective and efficient.
Cordless
Works hard for 45 minutes. Needs a 90-minute recharge. Basically a power tool on its last legs.
Spare Parts
His brother worked there too taller, better looking. So he became Spare Parts.
Time Clock
You want to punch him at the beginning and end of your shift. That’s about the only time he’s relevant.
Shania
Why? Because he don't impress us much.
Willie
Will he show up or not? Nobody ever knew. Hence: Willie.
Nicknames like these are part of workplace culture everywhere, equal parts hilarious, brutal, and creative. They might sting, but you’ve got to admit... sometimes they’re just perfect.
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